我一直以为自己是一个善解人意的女人，在别人需要的时候，会解囊相助。可是，一个14年没见过火车、没看过电视、连50元人民币都没见过的山沟里的小女孩，面对我的盛情邀请，竟然对城市的繁华不感兴趣！
I always thought that I was a considerate woman who would help others when they needed. However, a little girl who hasn't seen a train, a TV or even 50 yuan in 14 years is not interested in the prosperity of the city!
有一年，我在朝阳市凌源县瓦房店乡百车沟小学采访一位小学教师时，那女孩从门缝里盯了我好久，我笑，她也笑。老师介绍说，她叫范春芳，好学生。家里爸爸傻，妈妈哑，生活可困难了。两次辍学，她又靠养鹅、采药卖钱回到了学校。后来我们成了朋友。
One year, when I interviewed a primary school teacher in baichegou primary school, Wafangdian Township, Lingyuan County, Chaoyang City, the girl stared at me for a long time from the crack of the door. I laughed and she laughed. The teacher said that her name is fan Chunfang, a good student. My father is stupid and my mother is dumb. Life is difficult. She dropped out of school twice and went back to school by raising geese, collecting medicine and selling money. Then we became friends.
夏天，在女儿的催促下，我接她来沈阳度假。我们登电视塔，逛公园，吃烧烤，唱卡拉OK，她却木然，一路上总是问我：“阿姨，妹妹的旧书能给我几本吗？”“那当然。你头一次来市里，玩够了再说。”她只好不做声。
In summer, at the urging of my daughter, I picked her up for a holiday in Shenyang. We go to the TV Tower, go to the park, eat barbecue and sing karaoke, but she always asks me along the way: "Auntie, can I have some old books from my sister?" "Of course. When you come to the city for the first time, it's enough. " She had to keep quiet.
晚上，我和女儿的说话声，电视的吵闹声都没能转移她的注意力，她先把女儿给她的旧书装进书包，又拼命地从女儿的新数学书上往下抄题。我问她明天还想去哪里玩，她说哪也不去了，想做完50道题，不会了还可以问妹妹。也许她懂得，这个繁华的城市不属于她，学到手的知识才是自己的，谁也夺不去。
In the evening, the voice of my daughter and I, and the noise of the TV didn't distract her. She packed the old books her daughter gave her into her schoolbag first, and then desperately copied the questions from her daughter's new math book. I asked her where she would like to play tomorrow. She said she would not go anywhere. If she wanted to finish 50 questions, she could ask her sister if she would not. Maybe she knows that this prosperous city does not belong to her. The knowledge she has learned is her own, and no one can take it away.
我极力想给她的，却不是她所要的，我很沮丧。
I tried to give it to her, but it was not what she wanted. I was depressed.
范春芳来时，穿了一件长长的金黄色的衫子，显然是成人穿过的旧衣服。可她说，这还是村长从救灾衣服里挑出的最鲜艳的一件呢。女儿听得鼻子发酸，就从衣柜里往外掏衣服。她拿出一套蓝白相间的学生套装递给范春芳时，我的心里就翻腾一下，那是我在女儿生日时花120元买的新衣服啊！“这衣服姐姐穿太大，不合适。”我拦了一下。“上衣是短袖，下边是裙子，有什么不合适的。”女儿没明白我的意思。范春芳明白了：“妹妹你留着吧，这衣服太洁净，不抗造。你再给我几本用过的旧练习册吧。”女儿不由分说，先把衣服塞进她的包，又去找练习册。我有些不好意思，给她200元钱。她说：“学费您已经给我交两年了，我不要。”“拿着，这是零花钱。”我也硬把钱塞进了她的书包。
When fan Chunfang came, she wore a long golden shirt, which was obviously the old clothes worn by adults. But she said it was the most colorful one that the village head picked out from the disaster relief clothes. When her daughter heard that her nose was sour, she took out her clothes from the wardrobe. When she took out a set of blue and white student suits and handed them to fan Chunfang, my heart turned. It was the new clothes I spent 120 yuan on my daughter's birthday! "It's too big for my sister to wear." I stopped. "The blouse is short sleeved, and the skirt is underneath. What's wrong?" My daughter didn't understand me. Fan Chunfang understood: "sister, keep it. It's too clean to be made. You can give me some more used exercise books. " The daughter could not help but say, first put the clothes into her bag, and then go to the exercise book. I'm sorry. Give her 200 yuan. "You have paid me the tuition for two years, I don't want it," she said "Here, here is the allowance." I also forced money into her schoolbag.
第二天，范春芳要和校长回家了，她抱着我的腿哭了半天，“干妈，我一定好好学习，对得起您。”我嗓子发紧。
The next day, fan Chunfang was going home with the headmaster. She held my leg and cried for a long time I have a tight throat.
从车站回来，女儿告诉我，枕头下压着那套新衣服和200元钱。还有一张纸条：“干妈，东西不带了，共拿走21本书，谢谢您和妹妹。”
Coming back from the station, my daughter told me that the new suit and 200 yuan were under the pillow. There is also a note: "Ganma, I don't have anything with me. I have taken 21 books. Thank you and my sister."
我突然感到这童心折射出我的心理残缺——自信掩盖着虚荣，善良掺杂着自私。自己的慷慨是有条件的，因为自己已经不需要了。而那孩子就在我这自私的施舍中感激涕零。我糊涂了——究竟是我从经济上救助了范春芳，还是范春芳从精神上救助了我？
I suddenly felt that childlike innocence reflected my mental disability - self-confidence covered vanity, kindness mixed with selfishness. My generosity is conditional, because I don't need it anymore. And the child was grateful in my selfish charity. I'm confused - did I help fan Chunfang financially or spiritually?
