一是抽烟，二是喝酒。我先给大家介绍一下我爸爸的“爱好”之一——抽烟。
One is smoking, the other is drinking. Let me introduce to you one of my father's "hobbies" - smoking.
我的爸爸有两大“爱好”。
My father has two "hobbies".
“咳，咳，咳”！屋里乌烟瘴气，比《西游记》里太上老君炼丹炉的烟雾还要浓得多。要是世界上举行吸烟比赛，我爸爸一定是冠军。而我就是冠军的儿子，嘻嘻，那可真是“光宗耀祖”（好像偏题了）啊！爸爸的烟量超过他的饭量。以前爸爸是一口一口地抽烟，如今还是那样一一口的抽，只是一口抽一支罢了。他的牙齿以前是洁白如玉，现在是漆黑如炭。而我和妈妈是视烟如毒的人。理所当然地强烈反对爸爸抽烟。经过几次“统一战线”，对爸爸开展了猛烈的“反击战”，终于取得了决定性胜利——爸爸戒烟了。可是……风云突变，刚过十四小时二十分零八秒，爸爸经不起“白沙”（一种好烟）的诱惑，还是点起了火！
"Cough, cough, cough"! The house is full of miasma, which is much thicker than the smoke from the alchemy furnace of the emperor taishanglaojun in journey to the West. If there is a smoking competition in the world, my father must be the champion. And I'm the champion's son, hee hee, that's really "glory" (seems to be off topic) ah! Dad has more cigarettes than he eats. Dad used to smoke one mouthful at a time, but now he still smokes one mouthful at a time, just one mouthful at a time. His teeth used to be as white as jade, but now they are as black as charcoal. And my mother and I are people who see smoke as poison. Of course, I strongly oppose dad's smoking. After several "United Front" battles, he launched a fierce "counterattack" against his father and finally won a decisive victory - he quit smoking. But... Suddenly, just after 14 hours, 20 minutes and 8 seconds, dad couldn't stand the temptation of "white sand" (a kind of good smoke), but he lit the fire!
接下来我给大家介绍我爸爸的爱好之二——喝酒。
Next, I'd like to introduce my father's hobby two - drinking.
“喝，喝，喝”，屋子里充满了酒拳声，声浪一波比波高，赛过菜市的闹声。如果世界上又举行喝酒比赛，说实话我爸爸是默默无闻的。而他那股劲儿，可真是令人佩服呀！在酒席上，人们都听他的。他说划拳开始，没有人不说“好好好”的。好像他在喝酒上称得“酒王”了。那你错了。他是喝五杯吐五杯，喝七杯吐八杯。什么？你问我还有一杯怎么的？啊！那是胃水呀！我爸爸喝酒明明不行，却硬要逞强。最后，弄了个酒糟鼻，别提多难看！这时，妈妈又来“开导”爸爸，说少喝养身，多喝伤身。爸爸最后又拍着胸口，吼着保证以后少喝酒！正好，爸爸的朋友们上门来请他去吃饭，妈妈手指他的酒糟鼻子，再次嘱咐他少喝酒。他边走边点头：“知道了，知道了！”可是宴后回到家里，他又成了“关公菩萨”，浑身吐得一塌糊涂！
"Drink, drink, drink", the house is full of the sound of wine fist, the sound wave is higher than the noise of the vegetable market. If there is another drinking competition in the world, to be honest, my father is unknown. And his strength is really admirable! At the banquet, people listened to him. He said that at the beginning of the stroke, no one didn't say "good". It's like he's the "king of wine" in drinking. Then you are wrong. He vomited five cups of five and eight of seven. What? You asked me if I had another drink. What's the matter? Ah! It's gastric juice! My father can't drink clearly, but he insists on being brave. At last, I got a bad nose. Don't mention how ugly it is! At this time, my mother came to "enlighten" my father, saying that drinking less is good for health and drinking more is bad for health. Dad finally patted his chest and roared to make sure that he would drink less! At the same time, my father's friends came to invite him to dinner. My mother pointed to his nose and told him to drink less. He nodded as he walked: "yes, yes!" But when he came back home after the feast, he became "Guan Gong Bodhisattva" again, and he was in a mess!
半年过去了，我爸爸这两样“爱好”，仍保持着“良好记录”！
Half a year later, my father's two "hobbies" still keep a "good record"!
