A DISTINGUISHED1 Advocate of Republican Institutions was seen
pickling his shins in the ocean.
"Why don't you come out on dry land?" said the Spectator. "What
are you in there for?"
"Sir," replied the Distinguished Advocate of Republican
Institutions, "a ship is expected, bearing His Majesty2 the King of
the Fly-Speck Islands, and I wish to be the first to grasp the
crowned hand."
"But," said the Spectator, "you said in your famous speech before
the Society for the Prevention of the Protrusion3 of Nail Heads from
Plank4 Sidewalks that Kings were blood-smeared oppressors and hell-
bound loafers."
"My dear sir," said the Distinguished Advocate of Republican
Institutions, without removing his eyes from the horizon, "you
wander away into the strangest irrelevancies! I spoke5 of Kings in
the abstract."
