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The Magic Pitcher

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  Mooba patted a tail feather. "On the other hand, your world's libraries are filled with books and are an endless resource for poetry and great writings. Human beings are capable of deep thought and intense emotions and some have a desire to define them. It is these writings that will appeal to the Xxlepis and they will reward you beyond imagination. As long as they remain on this planet they will bestow1 gifts, so it's to your benefit to please them. That's all I can say."

  He bowed and the meeting was abruptly2 over.

  DAY THREE

  Thursday, June 17

  The introduction of the Xxlepis was set for noon. Although it was an unusually overcast3 day, that hadn't stopped a huge crowd from forming. At two minutes to 12:00 the President and four secret agents walked slowly up the red carpet and stopped 20 feet from the craft.

  With the opening of a large door, a strange green mist emanated4 fr

  om the craft. Then a long and gently sloped ramp5 slid out upon which Mooba exited. The murmuring crowd hushed as three figures emerged from behind him. The figures were nearly seven feet tall, rather thin, and covered entirely6 in grey-green flowing robes and hoods7. More than anything they resembled Gregorian monks8, but it was how they moved that was startling. Although there was not a breath of wind, their robes rippled9 fluidly and they appeared to pour across the 20 feet coming to rest alongside Mooba and in front of the President and the agents.

  Mooba's high voice spoke10 into the multitude of microphones set up by reporters and it sounded over the PA system. "Members of planet earth, I am pleased to introduce you to the Xxlepis. And, they in turn are very pleased to meet you." As he said this the three beings bowed deeply as did the President and his agents.

  Mooba continued, "Supreme11 Commander, President of the United States and all citizens of earth, I am pleased to inform you on behalf of the Xxlepis that today they would like you to accept this gift that they offer you without reservation." Withdrawing something from a hidden pocket, Mooba handed it to the President.

  Accepting the object, which fit into the palm of his hand, the President bowed again. "Thank you."

  Seeing the three Xxlepis nodding from beneath their hoods, Mooba added, "The Xxlepis thank you, too."

  The crowd roared their approval and the first meeting was over.

  DAYS FOUR - TWENTY

  Friday-Sunday, June 18-July 4

  When the gift was examined, scientists were astounded12. The President had been handed a container that turned out to hold bacteria from a distant planet. Because these bacteria could manufacture any mineral, the Xxlepis had cultivated and refined it for multiple purposes. Specifically in humans, once ingested the bacteria became symbiotic13 with living cells and went about curing deficiencies. The resulting good health was miraculous14 and the closest thing to a fountain-of-youth elixir15 that humanity had ever experienced. Furthermore, the bacteria were easily reproduced.

  The President wished to reciprocate16 with a gift of equal value and at Mooba's recommendation commissioned a compendium17 of sacred writings to be compiled in their original languages. Mooba assured him that as a gift, this would be a delightful18 surprise for the Xxlepis. It was an ambitious project requiring scholars of every religion and the United Nations was appointed to coordinate19 it. All nations agreed that no amount of money or effort should be spared to have the gift ready for the next meeting with the Xxlepis.

  Moo

  ba hadn't anticipated the effect the Xxlepis would have on their hosts. Mankind became like children at Christmas. While the Xxlepis's gift of health was reproduced en mass, that was just the beginning.

  Everything had to be Xxlepis-related. To accommodate the demand, manufacturers broke all records (nearly those of physics) to get out a plethora20 of products. Overnight Gregorian monk's garb21 became the fashion craze, gray-green the most popular color until Monday when pastel-greens were introduced followed closely by polka dots. People were dressing22 their babies and pets in robes with cowls. Xxlepis gray-green began showing up on toys, dish ware23, buildings. If imitation is the highest form of flattery then the Xxlepis should have been flattered indeed.

  Commercials advertising24 Xxlepis products had but one theme, life was better with Xxlepis whether you wore Xxlepis clothes or sat on Xxlepis furniture. The inference was, so long as you had Xxlepis you were a somebody with something. Unfortunately, the opposite inference was also true, for without Xxlepis you were considered a nobody with nothing.

  The irony25 was not lost on Mooba who watched commercialism turn the Xxlepis, a race of beings who loved the nonmaterial, into the biggest name brand of all time.

  DAY TWENTY-ONE

  Monday, July 5

  When the President and his staff appeared at the spaceship on Monday noon it was before a vastly different-looking crowd. Although a hot July day, the majority was wearing hooded26 robes, waving signs and holding banners that said, "Xxlepis rocks!"

  This day, upon exiting the craft, the three Xxlepis did not immediately bow. Although their faces couldn't be seen, it appeared that from beneath the cowls they were turning their heads to examine the crowd. Watching them, Mooba's head feathers stiffened28 noticeably and he frowned.

  This time it was the President who came bearing a gift. The President proudly offered the huge book heavy with gold leafing that one of the Xxlepis gingerly accepted, grasping it with long fingers while the other two Xxlepis stretched forward for a closer look. Their grey-green robes cast a greenish hue29 over the book.

  "Please accept this gift from mankind," said the President, his voice trembling. "Over 300 of our finest scholars assembled it from our sacred writings."

  Translating, Mooba looked pleased.

  Caught up in the moment and almost as an afterthought, the President added, "Millions were spent. With its parchment and gold leafing, it's the most expensive book ever created."

  M

  ooba's head feathers quivered the moment the President said the most expensive book ever created. He didn't look pleased. He stopped translating and stared at the President. "Ah, Sir President, in my humble30 opinion..." he interrupted, but his warning went unheeded.

  "Go on. Tell them," the President urged and Mooba complied.

  The reaction was immediate27. Shoving the book back at the President, which he almost dropped, the three Xxlepis, murmuring bubbling-clicking noises, whipped about and swept back up into the spaceship faster than anybody thought they could move. Mooba followed as closely behind as his spindly legs allowed. Pausing at the ship's doorway31 he turned and shrugged32 as though apologizing just before the metal door slammed shut with a thud.

  The President and crowd, indeed the whole nation and all of earth were stunned33. They felt like children awakening34 Christmas morning to discover that their presents had been stolen.

  There was no further contact with the Xxlepis although vigorous attempts were made using a PA system as well as radio and television waves and banging on the spaceship doors. Now nobody anywhere talked about anything except the Xxlepis and why they had so abruptly left the gathering35. Earth commiserated36.

  DAY TWENTY-TWO

  Tuesday, July 6

  Early Tuesday, without ado, the huge spacecraft gently lifted into the morning air and disappeared.

  It was then Mooba sought admittance to the White House, shocking everyone because they thought he had left along with his alien employers. Escorted to the President's oval office, Mooba's head feathers began to wave as he moaned sorrowfully. "In my humble opinion, my job is just too difficult."

  The President agreed without knowing why as Mooba sat down on a chair. A couple of agents approached to stand behind him. "It's my fault. I thought I'd made you understand, but I was wrong. You meant only to impress when you said the book cost millions to create. But as soon as you gave it a price, in the eyes of the Xxlepis you declared it useless. They were insulted and horrified37. They couldn't leave fast enough."

  He hesitated and then glared at the President as if to suggest he did share responsibility. Then Mooba sighed. "It's my humble opinion that they'd never have understood your species anyway."

  "Well then why are you here?" the President was incredulous.

  Suddenly the little alien smiled. "Because unlike the Xxlepis, I don't care about words or meaning or money. Except in the performance of my job, of

  course. I'm due for a vacation and I'd like a little fun." Before agents could stop him he had jumped up and moved to the President's desk grabbing sour lemon candies from a dish. Popping them into his mouth he made slurping38 sounds.

  The statement was so ridiculous the P

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