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The Returned Californian

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  TWO Blighted1 Beings, haggard, lachrymose2, and detested3, met on a

  blasted heath in the light of a struggling moon.

  "I wish you a merry Christmas," said the First Blighted Being, in a

  voice like that of a singing tomb.

  "And I you a happy New Year," responded the Second Blighted Being,

  with the accent of a penitent4 accordeon.

  They then fell upon each other's neck and wept scalding rills down

  each other's spine5 in token of their banishment6 to the Realm of

  Ineffable7 Bosh. For one of these accursed creatures was the First

  of January, and the other the Twenty-fifth of December.

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