Always Sitting Behind You 总是坐在你身

　　Three men were standing1 in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently2 it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

　　The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing（栏杆，扶手）, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned3 but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed4 the fridge, and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing5 him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."

　　"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.

　　The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.

　　"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

　　Once again, Peter had to concede6（承认） that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.

　　The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

　　"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."

　　某日，三个男人排队等着进天堂。而显然那一天天堂很忙，所以圣彼得走出来对第一个人说：“今天天堂快满员了，我只能让一个死的最可怜的人进去，来说说你是怎么死的吧。”

　　第一个男人回答说：“这段时间以来我一直都怀疑我的老婆有了外遇，所以今天我就提早回家想要抓她个正着。我回到我位于25楼的公寓，我敢肯定有什么地方不对，但任凭我把房子翻了个底儿朝天也找不到那个男人。终于，当我搜到阳台的时候发现那个奸夫正吊在阳台的栏杆上！我气坏了，开始对他拳打脚踢，可你能相信吗？他居然就是掉不下去！于是我又返回屋里，拿了只锤子出来敲他的手。他终于掉下去了，但他居然只是掉进灌木丛，还是没死！我再也忍受不了了，进屋把冰箱抬了出来、整个儿给他砸下去……他终于死了。而我呢，这时也因为太过愤怒，心脏病发，也死在了阳台上。”

　　“那听起来是够惨的。”圣彼得说，于是让他进去了。

　　轮到第二个男人，圣彼得解释了相同的事，要他说说自己的死亡原因。

　　“今天真是奇怪极了。看，我住26楼，每天早晨都在我的阳台上锻炼。今天一早，也不知怎么的，我踩滑了、掉下了楼。幸运的是，我及时抓住了25楼阳台上的栏杆。我知道即便如此我也撑不了多久，而恰好一个男人走到了阳台上来。我开心极了，想自己一定得救了。哪知道，他一过来就对我拳打脚踢、接着还进屋拿了一只锤子砸我的手指。我终于掉下去了。但我掉进了灌木丛，也只是晕了一下而已。我正想着我应该没事的，就看着从天而降一个冰箱，跟着我就到了这儿……”

　　圣彼得不得不承认这家伙死的很惨，让他进了天堂。

　　最后，终于轮到第三个男人了。圣彼得对他提出了相同的问题。

　　这个男人说：“看吧，我裸着身子、藏在冰箱里……”