How true love comes to me

　　Fear is a fact of life everyone faces from time to time. In most cases fearis a healthy reaction to a dangerous situation. But sometimes fear can be so extreme, so overwhelming, that it interferes1 with normal living. That is what happened to me driving cross-country last summer.

　　心惊胆颤的事情人人在生活中都偶尔会碰到。惊恐大都是对危险倩况的一种积极反应。不过，有时惊恐会达到极端、不堪承受的程度，以至干扰正常的生活。这正是我去年夏天在驾车横穿北美大陆途中所经历的情况。

　　I'd agreed to help my brother, Mac, move from the East Coast to California. He would drive a rental2 truck loaded with his belongings3 and I would follow him in his sedan, then fly back. We figured it would be a simple trip, with four or five motel stops along the way.

　　我答应帮弟弟麦克从东海岸把家搬到加利福尼亚州。到时他将开租来的卡车拉上全部家什，我跟在后面帮他把小车开过去，然后乘飞机返回。我们估计这趟旅行很简单，中途在四五家汽车旅馆落落脚就行了。

　　Living and working in coastal4 Georgia for most of my life, I did not have a great deal of long-distance driving experience. Looking back on it today, I can see that I'd always felt a twinge of fear when driving over small bridges and along hilly highways. And as I was getting ready for the trip I had a vague concern about the steep mountain roads that lay ahead. But I thought I would get used to them.

　　我长这么大，大多生活和工作在沿海的佐治亚州，没有多少长途驾驶的经验。今天回想起来，其实我每逢开车过小桥、走山路时都提心吊胆。在为此行作准备时，我心里就开始为即将面对的山路忐忑不安。不过当时我以为自己能够适应。

　　As we crossed some high bridges near the Blue Ridge5 Mountains on the first leg of our trip, a kind of breathlessness gripped me, a sinking, rolling sensation in the pit of my stomach. I tended to veer6 slightly away from the edge of the roadway and the drop-off beyond. My knuckles7 whitened from my tense grip on the steering8 wheel. At the end of each bridge, a great rush of relief would come over me, only to be replaced in short order by fear of the next obstacle.

　　上路后的第一程，我们就碰上了蓝脊山脉附近高悬的大桥。我简直紧张得透不过气来，心头发紧，有种人仰马翻的感觉。我极力想把车开向里侧一些，躲开那可能滑下陡坡的边沿。我紧紧地握着方向盘，手指关节绷得没有了血色。每穿过一座高桥我就会大大地舒一口气，可等在前面的是又一个令人畏惧的关口。

　　When we stopped in Nashville the first night, I mentioned my feelings to Mac, who is the practical sort. "Oh, that's nothing," he said cheerfully . "Lots of people hate driving on mountain roads and high bridges. Just turn up the music on your radio and focus on that. Keep your mind occupied."

　　旅程的第一天晚上，我们停在了纳什维尔。我对麦克谈了自己的感受。他是那种务实的人。“哦，没关系，”他兴致勃勃地说，“许多人害怕走山路、过高桥。只要打开收音机专心听音乐就行。不要胡思乱想。”

　　I gave him a weak smile and said good night. But later as I tossed and turned in bed, I couldn't chase away the apprehension9 I had about the high driving ahead. The more I tried not to think about it, the more my mind kept going back to that helpless feeling of panic I had on the first leg of the journey. My fear seemed to possess a life of its own. You're being childish , I chided myself. This is ridiculous ! If I could just close my eyes and relax, I thought, the renewal10 of a good night's sleep would drive the fear away.

　　我冲着他勉强笑笑，道了一声晚安。但后来，我躺在床上辗转反侧，一想到要走的山路，心中的焦虑就怎么也挥之不去。越是尽力于去想它，反倒越是回味上路、第一程就出现的那种揪心无助的感觉。这种恐惧似乎根深蒂固，永久存在。太幼稚了，我责备自己。真可笑!想，如果我能闭上眼放松下来，重新美美地睡一觉，恐惧就会被驱散。

　　But it didn't go away. All through the flatlands of Arkansas, Oklahoma , north Texas and New Mexico it lay like a coiled snake inside of me. When we approached the high plateau of northern Arizona it began to stir. As the grades grew steeper and the curves sharper, my sense of control faltered11, "It's all in your head," I kept repeating desperately12. "There is no danger. It's all in your head."

　　但是恐惧并没消逝。在经过阿肯色州、俄克拉何马州、得克萨斯州北部和新墨西哥州的那些大平原时，恐怖像蛇一样盘踞在我心中。快要到达亚利桑那州北部的高原地带时，它又开始蠢蠢欲动。随着坡越来越陡，弯越转越急，我渐渐有了控制不住之感。“全是胡思乱想，”我拼命反复地提醒自己。“没有危险。完全是胡思乱想。”

　　Yet I couldn't defeat the terror. Mile after mile it was like an invisible force drawing my attention toward the edge of the road where the soft shoulder gave way to thin air. I tried everything I could think of. I cranked up the radio. Sang songs. Recited poetry. All to no avail. The palms of my hands were so sweaty that I had to squeeze the steering wheel to keep my grip.

　　然而我就是不能战胜恐惧。一英里接着一英里，像是被一种无形的魔力拽着一样，我一路上怎么也不能让注意力离开那令人窒息的崖边，那里没有平缓的山肩，有的只是稀薄的空气。凡属能想到的办法我都试了——打开收音机，唱歌，背诗——一切都无济于事。我的掌心里满是汗水，只有用力压挤方向盘才能把它抓牢。

　　I kept closing the gap between my car and my brother's truck, inching toward the reassuring13 glow of the taillights like a frightened sheep following a shepherd. I could see Mac watching me in his rearview mirror , and that night at supper in Kingman, Arizona, he said, "Leigh, you're tailgating . You're much too close for these mountain roads." He studied my face for a moment, then added, "Tomorrow will be the last day of high country. Just try to hang in there. We've got this far okay. You know there's nothing to be afraid of."

　　我尽量缩小与弟弟的卡车的距离，缓缓地移动，盯住他的尾灯，心中才赂有一丝安慰，就像一只吓坏了的小羊紧跟在羊馆的屁股后面一样。我能看见麦克正从后视镜里望着我。那天晚上在亚利桑那州的金曼吃饭时，他说：“莉，你是在尾追。在这样的山路上那距离太近了!”他注意了一下我的表倩，接着说：“明天是最后一天的山路了。务必再坚持一阵子，我们走了这么远，不是好好的嘛。你知道没有什么可怕的。”

　　I understood that. I had to go on. But the prospect14 of hairpin15 turns and sheer drop-offs made it impossible for me to eat any supper. Mac tried to keep the conversation breezy, but it didn't help. I excused myself early and went to bed, exhausted16.

　　我知道。我必须坚持下去。可是一想到那些U字型的急转弯和直上直下的大陡坡我就没了胃口。麦克尽量想让谈话轻松些，但不管用。我找借口早早抽身，去上床睡觉，这时倍感精疲力竭。